Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

*fair and balanced

X-Men: First Class is top of the box office heap after opening weekend, and has an 86% at Rotten Tomatoes. Good for it. I haven’t seen it. I don’t plan to.

I won’t enjoy, or even see any X-Men movie that stars Havok. The rest of this wretched word dump is based on the trailers, which brought me to this half-baked, totally reactionary conclusion at all.

Havok’s super powers are, of course, “sound circles” and “being Cyclops’ brother”. In the movie, they appear to be “death hula hoops” and “being an SE Hinton-style greaser“. Beast is just a nerd with crazy feet, which was done a lot a whole lot better in Altered States. Banshee is fairly well put together, but shares the same common weaknesses as the rest of the characters: mediocre actors and poor characterization.

As I watched the trailers again, I see why it’s getting decent reviews and raking in a tidy sum (thought not yet enough to actually pay for itself). This movie features the same three stars every other modern movie has: exciting visual effects, an evocative music score, and an unchallenging plot progression.

It’s also got Havok in it.

About The Author

is a Storyteller character sheet in a d20 world. He loosens his bowels across the literary landscape and complains bitterly when the landing doesn't favor punctuation. His head hurts very much right now and is unable to come up with a hundred words about himself because of this.

Cory has been writing on and off for DTC since 2008 as time permits. He has enjoyed genre fiction ranging from old 50s comics dug up from a grandmother's attic to modern, world-spanning tales of Moral Significance. Resident "Marvel Guy" and Bendis Apologist.

Turn-on's: walks to Oakland Chinatown, old radio shows, adherence to and respect for internal story logic.
Turn-off's: this headache, over-strong tea, blatant disregard for internal story logic

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