I did.

And that’s all I’ve heard.

So, apparently I took the proverbial nerd bullet and was the one person in the entire god-forsaken world that read Blue Beetle.

And now YOU have to read my review. Take that.

Nobody’s going to read this are they…

Sigh…

I don’t read DC.

Ever.

Seriously.

They suck.

But I like Batman.

I’m told that he doesn’t count though.

I’m also told that this reboot thing didn’t even affect him.

That means I bought the new Batman that came out this week. Thought I’d give this whole “DC” thing a try. Turns out Batman was pretty good. I liked it. And since the fabulous “Tardy’s Collector Corner” (blatant product placement) was having a buy 3 get 1 free for all new DC comics and since my copy of Batman was my roommates 7th DC comic of the week, I told him to grab me a free copy of Blue Beetle.

Here’s some names on the cover. I don’t know who any of them are, what they’ve done, and I won’t be bothered to check inside the comic to see what they did on Blue Beetle.

  • Tony Bedard
  • Ig Guara
  • Ruy José

So how was it?

Here’s this simple version. I thought I’d get this:

"Hey guys, I'm a bad-ass in the vein of Iron Man."

But instead I got this…

Robert Kirkman's... Wolfman?

this…

Mary Jane?

and this…

Yeah... this pretty much sums up Blue Beetle.

Overall, Blue Beetle was decent. You will never get a single character’s last name and you have to be able to read Spanish via context clues to understand everything that’s being said but all-in-all… it was okay. I was horribly disappointed by the lack of Iron-Man-esque ass-kicking to be had. Instead I got a lot of middle-school angst and drama.

I guess it was a good introductory issue, but I still found myself confused at times as to what was going on and who the hell any of the bad guys were. I swear that at one point Kirkman’s Wolfman and a cross between Archangel and a UFO were fighting a pile of puke and a guy in a Haz-Mat suit.

Oh, and for the one Blue Beetle fanboy out there in the world that was excited about this: Don’t. He doesn’t turn into Blue Beetle until the last panel on the last page. The cover was a lie.

This is not to say it was all bad though. The prologue is shown here:

It was the one good thing that happened in this comic. It was four pages of someone (unexplained) tearing up a planet in a Blue Beetle costume. And then apparently this other beetle guy that’s also blue tells hims that he’s killing his own people. But the first guy doesn’t care anymore because now he’s a member of the Blue Beetles or something and they are evil.

Reboot my ass. If I wanted a reboot, I’d get this:

Nothing was explained but at least I got to see some sort of cyborg man who I will never see again because THE ENTIRE GODDAMN PROLOGUE TOOK PLACE FOUR THOUSAND YEARS AGO kick ass.

And then a green lantern showed up.

So who the **** reads Blue Beetle?

Nobody.

Let’s keep it that way.

**** you DC. And **** your reboots.

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About The Author

Renowned Novelist. Internet Celebrity. Swedish Chef. He was born a poor boy in the Bronx to a recently widowed ex-porn-star named Juliet. As a young man he struggled long and hard before eventually overcoming his rough start. He began a year long hike over the Appalachians and across the country before eventually arriving in Hong Kong, the City of Angels.

Here, with his forged papers, he found employment at a local dive bar. At the age of 20 he decided he had had enough of serving drinks to cocaine-addled strippers and their greasecovered car-repairman-turned-druglord dealers and left on a journey back to his hometown where he started a band, broke up the band, married a famous geologist, got a divorce, and finally opened up his own bakery/film studio: Purple Flamingo Productions.

None of this is true and he is actually a videographer based in the midwest who spends his days working at a local theater. Benjamin Perry: Filmmaker. Nerd. Sarcastic Asshole.

15 Responses to “Who the **** Reads Blue Beetle?”

  1. Eric says:

    I read Blue Beetle. >(

    He is my favorite super hero and I loved the issue. And now we can’t have any red heads without thinking of Mary Jane? “Hey random red head girl in the street, stop copying Mary Jane!” How rude. If you want to truly judge Blue Beetle, read issue 2 where Jaime is in the armor. And Tony Bedard says Khaji-Kai will play an important role in Blue Beetle so don’t think the prologue as unimportant! You ask who the *** reads Blue Beetle?!

    I DO DAMMIT!!!!

    And I know so many other people that do as well.

    And I read YOUR review! So ha!

  2. Steve says:

    Hello, Eric. This is addressed to you. I appreciate that you read Blue Beetle. Ipso facto, you’re taste in comics comes into question. Sarcasm, CAPITAL LETTERS, and multiple exclamation points do not add any validity to your argument, which clearly does not exist. I read and reread your comment, only to discover there was no point to it whatsoever. You read Blue Beetle? Congratulations. You and the other fan can enjoy it. I, however, side with this review because it is correct. The issue was mediocre and completely useless. I wouldn’t buy a Batman comic to have Bruce Wayne behave with Twilight-esque angst and slip on a cowl in the last panel. Also emoticons are for teenage girls. Cry me a river, plebe.

  3. Ben Perry says:

    I did not mean to offend. And not all red-heads are Mary-Jane (some are Karen Gillan, Barbra Gorden, Black Widow or the Red Arrow). That was not the point that I was trying to make was that I read a comic about Blue Beetle that didn’t have Blue Beetle in it.

    Yes, it was an “origin comic” and a “reboot” but the fact is: I, who knew nothing about Blue Beetle, read an issue one in the DC reboot and still not understand anything about the character, the world he lives in, or where this magical supersuit is really coming from other than Sector Two of the universe. That does not make a good comic. That makes a mediocre comic and a sad attempt at a reboot that does not successfully bring in new readers.

    The fact that I bought Blue Beetle (for free) means that I, much like you were at some point, was interested enough in the character to give it a try. The difference is, that I went in with no preconceived notions and saw, with an objective view, a disappointing comic.

  4. Eric says:

    Steve, the fact that you are trying to insult me is just sad. Your life must be pretty crappy if you’re wasting time by calling me a plebe and being sexist while at it; and plenty of people do use emoticons of both genders. Go on Youtube, Deviantart, or something and you’ll see. I, and so many others, did not find the issue useless b/c it sets up the stage for Jaime. The only problem is that you are just incapable of comprehending it. And the sarcasm, the capital letters, and exclamation points are to express what I am feeling. I’ve had plenty of people try to insult me but yours are the worst I’ve seen, and I don’t mean “worst” as in a pleasing sense to you.

    Ben Perry, Technically Blue Beetle was in. Jaime Reyes and Khaji-Da make up Blue Beetle and they transformed at the end. And maybe you should reread the issue. I saw that Jaime is a typical teenage boy going through the hardships of high school while getting angry at things his parents say and do even though it is for his own good, like with real teenagers and parents, he lives in El Paso, Texas where there is a good amount of Hispanic people with a crime boss and gangs, and that the suit is “ALIEN,” not “MAGICAL” and that it came from the Reach, who are taking over worlds, which clearly says so in the prologue and that they just happened to be in Sector Two when they sent the scarabs out. We also saw they are enemies of the Green Lantern Corps. It seems mediocre to you b/c you either didn’t read it carefully or are just incapable of understanding it. I know so many other people, plenty of them new comic book readers in general, that did understand it and are excited for the next issue. And as for the cover it’s to show excitement and there have been plenty of comics that have done it even though the character might not be in costume at all in the issue. Read at least issue #2, preferably the whole first arc, to see where Jaime’s world is going now that he’s infused with the scarab. Just get more to read from your friends so you can think it over carefully without wasting money. And I’ll advise you on one last thing: DO NOT INSULT THE PEOPLE WHO DO READ IT!

  5. Flynn says:

    But what I want to know is why Mary Jane not only changed superheroes, but clearly quantum leaped into another dimension entirely. Is she some time/space traveling wunderkind now? I would read that comic. Mary Jane: Dominator of Time, Space and Comic Companies! Watch her as she teams up with legendary heroes such as Benico Del Toro’s Wolfman and the Blue Power Ranger! Witness her unravel the mystery of how she gained these strange powers! Stay glued to your book as she tries to find her one true love, Peter Parker, and hope that the next leap…is the leap home!

    Now THAT is a comic I would read, which would be on par with Blue Beetle’s readership if what I have gathered from the comments section is correct.

  6. Eric says:

    That depends on what comments section Flynn. The one here is crappy but plenty others I’ve read are hanging on to Blue Beetle.

  7. Flynn says:

    Well, they did spend money on it, that is a valid reason to hang onto Blue Beetle. You don’t throw out an investment like that, especially if it is going to be worth something some day. It is going to be no more fifty cents than what they paid for it, at least they’ll get some restitution out of it.

    And please don’t call this comments section crappy. These people are entitled to there opinion, just like you. As wise man once said that this is the problem with this country, just because somebody had a difference of an opinion than you, you felt personally attacked instead of focusing on the bigger issues.

  8. Ben Perry says:

    Once again, didn’t mean to insult you. If you notice – it is thrown into the category of “rant,” and I was only expressing my opinion (which is obviously contrary to yours).

    But. For you. And you alone. I re-read it. A lot of what you brought up is there. But it is not said explicitly or explained in a manner that someone with no knowledge of Blue Beetle and limited knowledge of the DC Universe as a whole would be able to grasp.

    There is nothing about “Jaime Reyes and Khaji-Da make up Blue Beetle and they transformed at the end.” The last page is just that he gets the costume and shouts an alien language. Which is all fine and good and leaves the reader wanting more, but I will still stand by what I have said in that the comic is not a very good “starting point” for new readers. And that is what DC advertised.

    The universe is not explained very well, only in vague details. And I could find this as acceptable if they were going for: “This character doesn’t understand what is happening to him. Let’s discover things as he discovers them.” But that concept was thrown out the window by way of the prologue.

    Even that though, I would have dismissed had they given Jamie any more character development or depth beyond “bullied youth who disobeys his parents but sticks up for his friend who wasn’t given much in the way of introduction other than ‘this is Paco’.”

    I’ll tell you what though. If I can find somebody that actually buys a copy of Blue Beetle #2, then I will read it and let you know what I think after that. The character as a concept still sounds intriguing to me, but this first issue did little to raise, let alone meet, my expectations.

  9. Steve says:

    Oh, Eric, you’re so right. Your elitist attitudes toward defending Blue Beetle don’t at all seem to contradict what Blue Beetle is all about – fighting bullies, as this issue so originally details. Never has such an original concept been brought forth with such pathos, such skill, such utter brilliance that I may cry if I were to be subjected to it again. Never before have I stumbled upon such a lost treasure in the bargain bin mistakenly labeled “Garbage”, that I would suggest it for the Nobel Prize in Literature. These poor peons don’t seem to “understand it”, and by that reasoning, they are inferior. Laugh, laugh at them as they read their rubbish magazines and jeer as they fall before the might of Blue Beetle. Who are they to have their petty “opinions”? Opinions are for the weak – the weak who don’t subscribe to the sheer awesome force of Blue Beetle. I never meant to seem insulting – I was merely revelling in your godlike analysis of this masterpiece. “I read you review! So ha!” – such prose. I bet he felt “pwned”. :) ;) GIOGHWIOG @:) I hope you accept this offering of capital letters and emoticons as a token of Blue Beetle’s incomparable level of being Blue Beetle.

  10. Ben Perry says:

    This is the way the world ends… Not with a bang, but with comments on a little known review blog…

  11. Eric says:

    At Flynn. I called it “crappy” because of things like “Ipso facto, you’re taste in comics comes into question. Sarcasm, CAPITAL LETTERS, and multiple exclamation points do not add any validity to your argument, which clearly does not exist” and “Also emoticons are for teenage girls. Cry me a river, plebe.” An opinion us one thing but those are insults. That’s why I said “crappy.”

    Steve, why do you feel a need to try to insult/hurt me? And the need to twist my words to your own use? Are you hoping to cyber bully me to death? Because that’s the feeling I’m getting from you. You’re just being an ass.

    Ben Perry, there is only so much that can be done in 20 pages and characterization takes time. And Jaime has to change into the armor with the scarab, Jaime being the good will and the scarab being the power source. Together they are Blue Beetle. It is an easy interpretation. And I know plenty of new Blue Beetle readers who understood and loved it. I’ve read other reviews that state it is a good starting point – some stating it is one of the FEW starting point comics. Give me an address and I will buy and send you Blue Beetle #2. And I always feel insulted because when you wrote this you asked, “Who the F### reads Blue Beetle?” You started off with an attack on people – even if you are ranting – who do. I can’t get over that. Even if you don’t like something you need to consider the people who do and not say/type things like that.

  12. Steve says:

    Eric, I am sorry. I just cannot stand when people assume that people cannot dislike something because “they don’t get it”. That’s a cop out. You need to examine the flaws with the positives in order to get a more coherent whole – not just bow down to your favorite series out of sheer fanboydom. I’m guilty. Everyone in the entire comic book community is guilty of it at one point. But Blue Beetle is only a good intro to people that know DC, more specifically, Blue Beetle. And I’m only offering this rare apology because of what you said, “…when you wrote this you asked, “Who the F### reads Blue Beetle?” You started off with an attack on people – even if you are ranting – who do. I can’t get over that.” And I immediately knew where you’re coming from. It’s never cool to hate an entire fanbase because they like something. Yes, Insane Clown Posse and Twilight are garbage, but I would never hate someone for liking them. And for that, I am sorry.

  13. Eric says:

    I guess I’m a bit to blame too Steve. We just got a little hectic over this. It’s just in my life on the internet the people who don’t like Jaime generally throw cruel words my way and so when bad things are said about him I go a little overboard. It’s alright to not like something – though the Lord knows I’ll try anyway to prove that it’s good (LOL) – but insults and such towards though who do like it should be avoided, And I know people who knew nothing of Blue Beetle – or DC for that matter (I know a lot of Marvel people) – who enjoyed it and even paid $10 over the internet to get a copy. I guess it comes down to opinion. Some think it’s a good starting point and others don’t. And while I do love Blue Beetle I still have to like the comic itself. I’ve gotten comics of characters I like and there have been a few along the way that could have been better. I love Blue Beetle and the way he was presented. You didn’t I guess and that’s fine. Let’s make our peace and keep reading the comics we like. I hope someday you’ll read an issue of Blue Beetle that’ll get you into it but if you don’t that’s the way life works. I accept your apology and hope you accept mine as well. :)

  14. Ben Perry says:

    Hmmm…

    I suppose I can see your point there then. Let me try to clarify: the “Who the **** reads Blue Beetle?” was actually said to me when I told my editor that I had read it. That’s why I opened with it, and said that I read Blue Beetle in the opening section. I thought it was funny when that was said to me not once, but twice, and so decided to use it as the premise or opening for this review/rant. I then came back to the same thing at the end to wrap the entire thing up and bring it full circle when I gave my final conclusion.

    I did not mean for it to offend, I only meant for it to be entertaining. And as I had not met anyone that reads Blue Beetle at the point I actually said that nobody read Blue Beetle. Clearly that is not true since you and I both read it.

    It’s also clear that you won’t see the points that I was trying to make about the comics flaws. And if you notice in the review I actually say: “I guess it was a good introductory issue,” I just had some major problems with the comic as well as with DC’s handling of their entire reboot. And that is the only thing that I’ve been trying to say.

    I haven’t been attacking you. I haven’t been attacking Blue Beetle fans. And I haven’t been attacking the Blue Beetle comic.

    All I’ve done is state my opinion.

    So no, I did not mean to offend you. But I’m not going to be sorry for expressing my opinion. Just like you’re not sorry for expressing yours.

    If you actually want to send me a copy of Blue Beetle you can e-mail me here: imbenperry(@)msn.com for my physical address.

  15. Eric says:

    @ Ben Perry

    I just sent an email. If you don’t get it, post here to let me know.

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