It’s been a slow month here at DestroyTheCyb.org but nevertheless I wanted to get out a review of X-Men Origins: Wolverine sometime with a week of it’s release. Let me explain things in a fashion that I feel will work best: TPKC.

Theory: Going into the movie, I’d heard but not seen things from leak and I had low expectations given the few people I knew who had watched the leaked video. Of course, I’m a monster comic book fan, if you didn’t already know, so I knew my Wolverine origin from that aspect and even so, I knew that a movie couldn’t capture every line, ink, and letter of the comics. With that said, I still was going in with low expectations especially since X-Men: The Last Stand had me holding vomit in my mouth and I could only think that Fox was going to make me nearly puke once again. But I digress, I was going in thinking the movie could only be better than what I was thinking…

Punch: So I get to the theatre and I sit down. An hour later the movie’s starting and people are cheering and we get the ‘through the wars’ opening with Liev Schriber (Victor Creed) and Hugh Jackman (Logan/Wolverine) just kicking ass. The movie plays through and I was liking it. The beginning third worked for me. It was a good set up. We see Ryan Reynolds being pretty funny and all of the characters playing their parts pretty well. In all honesty, despite the divergence from the comics, I was digging it. We had a Weapon X team which ended up being a play on numbers and we don’t hear anything about Weapons I-IX but I was okay with that. Hell, my favorite part of the whole damn movie was Liev Schriber’s part because of how maniacal he was. It was fantastic. On top of that, I loved how the team broke up and things were brought back together by a semi-flawed idea of a killer of the old team, but then… well, let’s move on to the Kick.

Kick: Hot dog diggity damn. After the first 35 minutes or so, I started dry heaving. This movie just kind of made me sick. I mean, call it my comic book bias, but everything just went downhill. The post-Gambit-meet stuff was just outrageous. I dealt with the death of Silverfox because it was semi-necessary, but so much could have been done without including Cyclops or even having the pseudo-consipracy with Stryker and all of that stuff with Weapon XI. By the last half hour I was checking my watch to see when the movie was done because I was simply done with it. I was getting nit picky with the strange looking claw shots of Wolverine (which looked like bad CGI to me) but also with the idea that Wolverine’s claws could do anything. It was just ridiculous. I understand it’s all about Wolverine and I get that his claws make him unique and that he got them in this movie, but… come on. Blocking Weapon IX/Cyclops’ eye beams? What gives? And since when are Cyclops’ eye beams heat powered? Screw that. Call me a pissed off fanboy, but you’d think Fox would keep some kind of consistency for ass holes like me. There were just a pile of so many small things in this movie that I feel are equal to a big plot problem that I can’t believe I’m the only one out here complaining.

Conclusion: I may be so biased about this movie that I give it a thumbs down because of that reason, but why couldn’t Wolverine be another Iron Man? You’d think Fox would take a damn note out of the books of The Dark Knight and Iron Man and make a movie that seriously kicks ass. And unlike Watchmen, I wouldn’t say you should go out and see this movie. Wait for it to be on TNT or TBS and watch it. It’s that bad. I’m so damn disappointed. I really wanted this movie to be amazing. I wanted a Deadpool and a Gambit and a new and improved and re-written Sabertooth/Victor Creed all with Wolverine kicking ass, but instead we got a ridiculous origin story that wasn’t even worth telling.