As I scanned over Mike’s review of Michael Bay’s new — for lack of a better term — “film,” I lingered on his opening statement: “I am determined to give a straight up review of this film.” To him I ask, “Why?” Why should we treat this movie with a respect it never shows us? Well, I shan’t begrudge Mike for his effort, as I gave a stab at writing a serious(-ish) review for my school paper, an expanded version of which can be found on my blog here (shameless!). I suppose I should have been better prepared for this: I by no means loathed the first Transformers, but I was certainly bored stiff by its over-complicated yet skin deep plot, its wooden acting and confusing mish-mash of fighting robots indiscernible from one another. It favored its juvenile humor too much and the animation needed to be clearer, but there was conceivably a decent popcorn flick deep inside that, and guiding hands like executive producer Steven Spielberg could bring out the positive aspects buried within. Now, imagine the absolute opposite of that, and you’ve got this mess.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a film whose most ardent admirers — of whom there is a tragically high number — insist should be accepted for what it is, not some trumped up wannabe critic’s notion of what is should have been. What they fail to grasp is that people like me and the vast majority of honest-to-goodness critics who are paid for their work did accept this movie for what it was: a piece of shit.

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I am determined to give a straight up review on this movie. I really am.

Tuesday night I went with a few friends to the midnight premiere in Grand Rapids, MI, of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. We arrived around 11:15pm and managed to find four seats for all of us. Immediately I remembered why I hate the general public: non-stop douche-baggery for 45 minutes until the previews started, and then of the 560 people (not including myself and my three buddies) could not shut up even into the previews and through the movie. This is a major annoyance for me, but the atmosphere isn’t really the point here.

Coming into this movie, I had just watched the first Transformers movie about 8 hours before because I hadn’t actually sat down and purposely watched it in the past given my extreme disgust with Michael Bay. So, I had the plot in my head: Megatron was beaten, Shia LeBeouf proved he can scream a lot, there was a yellow Camero Transformer (Bumble Bee) that was pretty cool, and Optimus Prime was a totally awesome dude.

The movie began… and I cried. (spoilers abound)

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