As I scanned over Mike’s review of Michael Bay’s new — for lack of a better term — “film,” I lingered on his opening statement: “I am determined to give a straight up review of this film.” To him I ask, “Why?” Why should we treat this movie with a respect it never shows us? Well, I shan’t begrudge Mike for his effort, as I gave a stab at writing a serious(-ish) review for my school paper, an expanded version of which can be found on my blog here (shameless!). I suppose I should have been better prepared for this: I by no means loathed the first Transformers, but I was certainly bored stiff by its over-complicated yet skin deep plot, its wooden acting and confusing mish-mash of fighting robots indiscernible from one another. It favored its juvenile humor too much and the animation needed to be clearer, but there was conceivably a decent popcorn flick deep inside that, and guiding hands like executive producer Steven Spielberg could bring out the positive aspects buried within. Now, imagine the absolute opposite of that, and you’ve got this mess.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a film whose most ardent admirers — of whom there is a tragically high number — insist should be accepted for what it is, not some trumped up wannabe critic’s notion of what is should have been. What they fail to grasp is that people like me and the vast majority of honest-to-goodness critics who are paid for their work did accept this movie for what it was: a piece of shit.

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Hello, all. I’ve been away for some time, both due to an influx of schoolwork and just being to damn poor to support a budding comics habit. But I have been keeping up with my comic book adaptations, which in many ways is more unfortunate than suffering from a broken economy. Many Americans have flocked to the cineplexes in these hard times, as they always do, looking for a bit of escape from a harsh world. Yet when I sat through Watchmen at a midnight screening in March, I was suddenly reminded of how good I have it. Not because of the stark dystopia and the amoral wasteland it depicted, but because it so thoroughly missed the point that I was looking forward to getting back to my world of scraping together money to try to stay in school, pay the rent and feed myself, all while trying to land some sort of job. Synder’s screwed-pooch enraged me so much that, after I wrote a review for my school paper and came here to make my triumphant return with a more fleshed-out (papers have word limits, you know) takedown of why the film so completely let me down. Suffice to say: it knew the steps but not the rhythm, and so it lurched about like a wino with an inner ear infection, occasionally careening into the right tone but too often gazing at the inside of its navel by shoving its head up its ass (to mix metaphors poorly). But never mind that dismal failure, because I’m here to discuss the latest comic book extravaganza, the summer-starting X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
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I told Mike I was going to see and review “The Spirit” a week ago, but I’ve yet to muster up the courage to go. I review films for my school newspaper, and the three week break I go from seeing pure crap has been my favorite Xmas gift. I’ll see it soon, but in the meantime let’s talk about another 2008 superhero film, one without the buzz (and frankly, the quality) of “Hellboy II,” “Iron Man,” or “The Dark Knight.” I’m talking about a little film with a big green hero, “The Incredible Hulk.”

The last Hulk movie was a total disaster. There are those who try to convince me that Ang Lee (maybe the most overrated director working today) created a complex Hulk, one that focused more on Bruce Banner’s psyche than on mindless action. I know what Lee was trying to do but, from the bottom of my heart, I don’t care. I don’t give a good goddamn if the complete lack of lighting symbolized the darkness of Bruce’s repressed memories, or if the poodles represented- well, horrible writing. It was dull, pretentious, and didn’t even tackle the psychological aspects of Hulk properly. I know Hulk is a deeper character than anyone gives him credit for, but couldn’t he just hit something every now and then? After a few years, Ed Norton and Louis Leterrier came in to try to clean up the mess with a reboot. Did it work?

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Comic book fans are well acquainted with Kevin Smith. His films “Mallrats” and “Chasing Amy” contained oodles of great riffs on classic characters, and just about every year he stops in for wildly popular Q&A’s at the San Diego Comic-Con.

In 1998, Joe Quesada hired him to revive Daredevil, resulting in a popular run that re-established the character and led to mammoth, defining runs from Brian Michael Bendis and Ed Brubaker and opening the doors to let Hollywood writers such as Joss Whedon and J. Michael Straczynski to get runs on major comic characters. After acclaimed runs on Daredevil and Green Arrow, Smith became notorious for delays on his other comic book projects, one of which was delayed so long after only its first issue that it was finally canceled years later. But hot of the heels of one of his finest movies, Smith is back in the comic book world with a promising new miniseries, Batman: Cacophony.

*Minor spoilers after the break*

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Is it too early to name Brian K. Vaughan the best comic book writer of the new millennium? I must of course withhold such judgment until I really start reading stuff by lauded modern writers like Ed Brubaker and Brian Michael Bendis, but Brian K. Vaughan appears to be infallible. Y: The Last Man is one of the most captivating pieces of literature I’ve ever read, and, though I’ve yet to read them, have heard nothing but praise for Runaways and Ex Machina.

Now, for the last months, I’ve been asking for suggestions for comics to read, and a curious name kept coming up. Nearly everyone recommended a story called Pride of Baghdad. Nobody told me what it was about, only that “it’s not what it sounds like.” Well, I kept on buying other trades, but finally got curious the other day and picked it off the shelves. The first thing that caught my eye was the name at the top: Brian K. Vaughan. I bought it on the spot, without even reading the back cover. Now, the lion on the front made me see the pun in the title, but I still went into this fairly blind. Well, all the hype from my internet friends didn’t do it enough justice.

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OK, it’s official, I would go gay for Brian K. Vaughan. Y: The Last Man, Runaways, an arc on Buffy Season 8, Pride of Baghdad, it’s all brilliant. In all of his stories, he has proven himself a master of working with established characters as well as creating possibly the most original and exciting new list of series since Stan Lee and Jack Kirby hit the scene in the 60s. He manages to deal with a myriad of social issues while deftly sidestepping didacticism and preaching. Bearing that in mind, I was a little cautious when I picked up Ex Machina. After all, its concept, though brilliant and original (clichéd praise when it comes to Vaughan), dealt intricately with the political world. Ergo, many of the issues Vaughan could talk about subtly might be shoved to the front. Happily, BKV delivers yet again and yet another one of his creations has become one of my favorite series.

Ex Machina centers around Mitchell Hundred, a civil engineer who is left with the ability to communicate with machinery with moving parts (from guns to radios to handcuffs) after touching a mysterious glowing object floating under the Brooklyn Bridge. With the help of his two friends Rick Bradbury and Kremlin, Mitchell begins a short-lived career as the superhero The Great Machine (named for Thomas Jefferson’s term for American society).

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After the success of Buffy Season Eight, Joss decided to revisit the other show in the Buffyverse, Angel. Whereas Buffy ended because some of the actors wanted to move on and the show was allowed to reach a good conclusion, Angel was canceled in its best season (and what stands as my single favorite season of television). The finale must have pissed off a good 2/3 of the fans, with another character’s death and a seemingly anticlimactic ending that showed our heroes on the verge of an epic battle. While I personally thought the ending fit perfectly with the show’s theme of gradual redemption and a daily grind against evil instead of one big showdown, I still think it would have worked better as a season finale instead of a series closer.

Enter Angel: After the Fall. Starting a few months after the end of the show, it opens in a Los Angeles that has been sent to hell as retribution for Angel and co.’s actions. The Angel Investigations team is scattered all over the place: Angel is still at Wolfram & Hart with a ghostly Wesley. Connor has shacked up with Gwen and Nina (he always did like older women, though I don’t get why they put up with his whiny shit) and is helping save humans from the new demon overlords. Illyria has become a lord and her “pet” Spike is also helping humans. And a special friend is the lord of Silverlake.

**minor spoilers and more after the jump**

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For the few of you paying attention/giving a damn, so far all the Classics Corner reviews have been about DC books. I’ll admit, I prefer DC. This is not to say I dislike Marvel, though. Marvel has the ability to sustain a character for years, creating not just strong story arcs but strong runs, some of which go on for over a decade. It’s just easier for someone getting into comics to stick with short bursts of brilliance rather than, say, Brubaker’s entire Captain America run.

Considered the greatest X-Men story ever told and the peak of Chris Claremont’s record 16-year run on Uncanny X-Men, The Dark Phoenix Saga is a landmark in comic books and one of the most influential stories ever told in the medium. It’s an incredibly moving tale that incorporates personal tragedy, epic action, and strong characterizations of the entire X-Men team and not just one or two members. However, it’s not without flaws.

**spoilers and more after the jump**

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I was somewhat fortunate in that I joined War Heroes only a month ago. Therefore, all the delays didn’t really affect me. However, I can imagine how tortured I’d have been to have to keep waiting for a continuation of one of the best new series of the year, a fun and intriguing mix of Ex Machina and Ultimates. Well, issue #2 is here at last, and it does a fine job of answering lingering questions. Oh, and it also makes the book about 100x cooler, if that sort of thing interests you.

The last issue dropped a bombshell on the readers: in order to get more cannon fodder in the enlistment offices, the U.S. Army offered superpowers to all who signed up. We met Jay, one of the most decorated soldiers serving and a poster boy for the super-soldier campaign, as well as his little brother Calvin. Calvin seemed to want to be just like big brother, but some hidden meetings with friends revealed there was a darker plot afoot. Issue #2 deals entirely with Calvin, his friends, and a few of the minor characters introduced in the first issue as they head into boot camp to get their first dose of super pills. What ensues is a mix of hilarity and killer action.
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As I slowly dip into more recent comics to pad out my endless list of must-buy classics, a few big names constantly crop up. Mark Millar is one of those names. In an attempt to both get into his stuff and try to somewhat get a handle on Marvel’s continuity so I could read Secret Invasion, I read Civil War, which I went on record as having liked it but not been wowed. Then I read the Superman Elseworlds tale Red Son, which is savagely brilliant. My interests finally piqued, I started picking up back issues of the titles he’s put out this year, which is no small task since the man apparently isn’t bothering to sleep or eat given the number of issues he’s written. Now that I’m finally caught up, let me try to explain why Mark Millar deserves every drop of praise he’s getting.

**spoilers and more after the break**

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